Some people have a distinct repertoire in the geography of gastronomy. They are the chosen ones. They can give you a prescription of anything stomach-related and even recommend tests to be conducted. They could be a quack at any given day or in a more sophisticated way, be a counselor! It isn’t the fondest of professions. But it comes with its perks. They tend to befriend old people, elderly relatives, sooner than the other lot of younger family members. Most often than not, they know exactly how these people feel. They are used to that choked burp or fart that is a centimeter shy of coming out. Antacids and enzymes live in their drawers and breed, while old, crumpled prescriptions of Ornidazole, laze on the bottom of all that.
The worst part about taking antibiotics is that you feel hung over and not for a happy reason. It isn’t an outcome of the booze fest last night or of the ‘puff, puff, pass’ ritual. It is simply a kind of medication-laden languor that began because you screwed up somewhere, ate something you shouldn’t have. And it is like a relentless teacher. You stop midway and you have to start from the beginning. There is nothing likeable about it.
Acute cases of stomach infections (where you use both the orifices!) make matters rather worse. And if you’re intolerant of lactose and gluten, then god be with you! Doctor says, much like friendly banter – take it for 5 days and you’ll be fine. As if 5 days is 5 seconds. He does tell you that you might feel a little giddy and should reconsider travelling. What he doesn’t tell you is that the people and things around you might almost blur before your eyes, that the meekest sound could alarm or enrage you and that you have to stick to a diet you would otherwise consider throwing away for being overcooked.
You are nothing better than John Abraham – blank and wooden. People pass by you, most probably acknowledging you; you want to engage with them but you can’t. You curse the day you enjoyed that great meal, greased with butter or oil, or guzzled down all that alcohol. You make promises to yourself that you will be careful in future and pray to God to have some mercy and save you. You start advising others about the downsides of binge-eating and write posts like these. And then, for real, you live a rather careful life…for some time. Then you grow bored of your literally vegetative lifestyle and you repeat the cycle.
Antibiotics suck the living lights out of you. Learn it once and for all. Give it some rest. Imbibe the fact. Embrace the knowledge that enjoying more than you can stomach is a little short of hell. Nail it down, nice and steady. Go bake some oats cookies and chuck away the deep-frying pan. And don’t get scared of drinking water, please!